#4: Into the Woods

Full disclosure:  I am not a musical person.  I don't like stage musicals and I don't like movie musicals.  There are exceptions - The Sound of Music is one of my all-time favorite films of any genre, Chicago, The Music Man - but when it's my choice, I'm not choosing a musical.  But it wasn't my choice; my aunt is here this weekend and my goal was to entertain these two old ladies for a couple hours (I sound like a babysitter saddled with someone's rowdy kids).  I achieved half that goal.

I didn't realize at first how little I liked the movie; I just knew I was waiting for it to get going.  But I kept having to wait and wait and wait.  Apparently I sighed and my mom turned to me, commiserating.  She was miserable too.  I grabbed my phone and went to the bathroom, realizing once I got into the lobby that I should have taken the opportunity to grab my purse and run an errand (something my mother suggested after the fact, insisting she wouldn't have caused a commotion wanting to know why I was taking off - yeah, right).  Instead I paced the carpet, which was really nice.  Take note: The carpet at the Great Escape theater in Fenton looks like it has been replaced recently.

I peed.

I texted several people, bemoaning the dullness of the film.

I posted to Facebook, declaring this movie worse than both Left Behind and Human Centipede.  I mean, that is really saying something.

If you don't know, Into the Woods is an adaptation of a stage musical, where basically every fairy tale character you've ever heard of is rolled up into a big singing ball of boredom.  And Anna Kendrick sucks.  I love Anna Kendrick.  It hurts my very soul to tell you that her acting was terrible in this movie.  But I have to tell you the truth, and the truth is that, even at cheap $6.50 matinee prices, this movie is not worth it.  I'd rather pluck my eyelashes out one at a time.  I mentioned in my Beaches review that my movie opinions are pretty much limited to good, bad, meh, feh, or rage.  I'd rage against the movie if the damn thing hadn't made me so fatigued.  So, it gets a bad.  Fourth movie in, and we've found one I do not like in the least.  Progress!